Wonderful.
Dark Horizons article about it.
Seriously, I'm really excited. The original is a great movie. Can't even begin to grasp what they'll be doing with it. Only downside is that it's probably getting made before The Yiddish Policeman's Union. I read the novel BECAUSE they're adapting it. Still, any Coen is good Coen.
Side note: Just watched "The Man Who Wasn't There" again. Severally overlooked. Check it out.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I need to see Slumdog Millionaire
That is a lot of oscars. Picture, director, cinematography, script. A bunch of smaller ones too. I really do love Danny Boyle and even though I have yet to see the film, I am quite glad he got the oscar for direction.
There was a tiny clip at the end for Sherlock Holmes. That looks good. Super good. Also Funny People and The Boat that Rocked. Some good looking flicks coming out this year.
I write here what I think about Slumdog when I see it. Probably soon.
There was a tiny clip at the end for Sherlock Holmes. That looks good. Super good. Also Funny People and The Boat that Rocked. Some good looking flicks coming out this year.
I write here what I think about Slumdog when I see it. Probably soon.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Citizen Crime Stoppers: Beard Unit
*Wrote this tonight for my friend Bob and I to make. Because we have beards.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Amongst the shops hustle and bustle an OLDER GENTLEMAN is concluding
his transaction.
A pretty, young BARRISTA works the register.
BARRISTA
One grande house blend. Would you
like to try one of signature mini
muffins for only two dollars more?
OLDER GENTLEMAN
No, thank you. Just the coffee.
BARRISTA
Then your total today is two oh
five.
The Older Gentleman produces two crisp dollar bills and
hands them to the Barrista. His hand juts into his pocket.
OLDER GENTLEMAN
I think I've got a nickel.
He moves to hand the Barrista a coin when ANOTHER HAND grabs his
wrist.
The hand belongs to COLIN, a darkly bearded man wearing sunglasses
despite being indoors
COLIN
Hold it.
The Gentleman and the Barrista stare in stunned silence.
COLIN
Just what in the hell are you
trying to do?
OLDER GENTLEMAN
(stuttering)
Paying for my coffee?
JESSE
Try, committing a felony.
Colin smirks, looks over his shoulder at a similarly bearded man,
JESSE.
OLDER GENTLEMAN
What are you talking about?
Colin returns attention to the felonous Older Gentleman.
COLIN
I'm afraid my beautifully bearded
friend is right on the money.
Colin tenses and CRACK!
OLDER GENTLEMAN
AHHHH!
From his broken hand, a silver coins falls to the counter.
It bucks and jumps before settling. A beaver is embossed on its
surface.
Colin loosens his grip and the Older Gentleman slips to the floor,
clutching his hand.
BARRISTA
You broke that man's hand over a
nickel!
COLIN
Canadian. And your welcome.
BARRISTA
Why the hell would you do that?
Faster than lightning Colin and Jesse whip out badges that read:
CCS:BU
COLIN
Citizen Crime Stoppers.
JESSE
Beard unit.
Each stroke their beard with their non badge hand.
COLIN
Seems our work here is done.
Colin grabs the coin off the counter, flicks it at the writhing
Gentleman.
COLIN
Keep the change.
JESSE
Nice.
CREDIT SEQUENCE OVER SWEET MUSIC
Title: CCU Beard Unit
SERIES OF SHOTS
Colin and Jesse observe a man spitting on the sidewalk, proceed
to burn him with cigarettes.
They give chase to a man in a dress.
A man stalks a graveyard, shovel in hand. Sees Colin and Jesse
watching him from their car, drops shovel and runs.
Colin eats a hamburger, proceeds to choke while laughing at
a joke Jesse tells him.
Split screen: Jesse and Colin in respective bathrooms, comb their
beards facing each other as if staring into mirror.
Colin hides in the bushes, shoots bicyclist with radar gun. Nods
to Colin down the road who shoves a rod through the
bicyclists wheel.
Colin and Jesse dance in strobed light.
INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE
A heavy set man, CHIEF stands behind his desk.
Chief SLAMS his fist down.
CHIEF
Beard Unit!
COLIN
Right here Chief.
Colin and Jesse sit in comfortable chairs across from their livid
Chief.
CHIEF
Damn it Beard Unit, I know your
here! I'm angry with you!
COLIN
Why's that Chief?
CHIEF
You broke an old man's hand!
JESSE
A felonous, old man.
CHIEF
You make up one more word Jesse and
I'll have your badge!
JESSE
Sorry Chief.
Chief takes a breath, calms and sits.
CHIEF
This isn't why I called you in
here. We got a message from... the
Conundrum.
COLIN
The Conundrum! That scum.
CHIEF
He says he'll be calling me in the
next few minutes. Says he'll only
talk to you, Colin.
COLIN
Why only me Chief?
CHIEF
You're his greatest foe. You solved
the mystery of the lingering stain.
COLIN
All over that carpet...
The phone on Chief's desk RINGS. Chief answers.
CHIEF
Hello?
(to Colin)
It's for you.
Colin grabs the phone from Chief.
COLIN
Hello Conundrum.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
A shadowed figure sits with his back to us.
CONUNDRUM
Colin of Beard Unit, so nice to
speak with you.
V/O COLIN
Cut to the chase Conny, I'm already
late for a trim.
CONUNDRUM
So impetuous. But I will cut to it,
as you say. As a feather moves
where the wind wills, so too must
all chickens come home to roost.
V/O COLIN
What the hell are you prattling on
about?
INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE
Colin holds the phone, disinterested.
V/O CONUNDRUM
A riddle my fuzzy friend. In it
contains your only clue to finding
the bomb I have planted in the
city.
COLIN
So either we decipher your poorly
written poem or innocent citizens
lose their lives.
V/O CONUNDRUM
Those are the rules of my game.
COLIN
Seems like you've got our hands
tied.
He motions to someone and a SECRETARY walks up with a
post-it note.
COLIN
Or maybe we traced this call and a
pretty secretary just handed me a
post-it with your address on it.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
Conundrum is silent in the darkness.
CONUNDRUM
It would do you no goo-
CLICK. He's hung up on by Colin.
CONUNDRUM
Shit.
INT. COLIN'S CAR
Colin and Jesse sit side by side, silent, emotionless.
COLIN
Sarah's leaving me.
JESSE
Damn.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
Conundrum is working frantically at a table when his door is KICKED
in by Jesse.
Conundrum is startled, then darts back to his chair.
CONUNDRUM
I've been expecting you Beard Unit.
Colin and Jesse step into the darkness.
Colin flips a switch on the wall and light spills over the cluttered
mess of the Conundrum's apartment/lair.
The Conundrum, less menacing in the light, sits hunched over wearing
a green track suit.
CONUNDRUM
(to himself)
Jeez!
(to our heroes)
No matter what you do or what you
say I will not provide any other
clues. I assure you everything you
need to solve this rid-
BLAM! Colin stops the pontificating Conundrum with a bullet in
the stomach.
CONUNDRUM
Glahhh!
Jesse walks up and inspects the wound.
JESSE
Ow. Right in the liver. Gotta be
painful.
The Conundrum gurgles his agreement. Jesse steps back.
JESSE
I'd say you've got less than four
minutes unless somebody stops the
bleeding.
COLIN
So where's the bomb Conny?
CONUNDRUM
Jesus! You shot me! You can't shoot
me, that's not how it works!
COLIN
I was improvising. Your turn.
The Conundrum struggles to sit up, points to his table.
CONUNDRUM
The map and disarm code is right
there. You could have just smacked
me around a little!
Jesse walks over to the table. Nods to Colin.
COLIN
Thanks for your cooperation.
CONUNDRUM
Could you please call the doctor
now! I'm bleeding to death!
COLIN
No need, I'm a surgeon.
Colin SHOOTS the Conundrum in the head. Blood everywhere.
JESSE
Nice.
ENDING CREDITS OVER OTHER SWEET TUNE
B/W stills from the episode ala Venture Bros.
Or it could be a voiced over preview of next adventure.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Amongst the shops hustle and bustle an OLDER GENTLEMAN is concluding
his transaction.
A pretty, young BARRISTA works the register.
BARRISTA
One grande house blend. Would you
like to try one of signature mini
muffins for only two dollars more?
OLDER GENTLEMAN
No, thank you. Just the coffee.
BARRISTA
Then your total today is two oh
five.
The Older Gentleman produces two crisp dollar bills and
hands them to the Barrista. His hand juts into his pocket.
OLDER GENTLEMAN
I think I've got a nickel.
He moves to hand the Barrista a coin when ANOTHER HAND grabs his
wrist.
The hand belongs to COLIN, a darkly bearded man wearing sunglasses
despite being indoors
COLIN
Hold it.
The Gentleman and the Barrista stare in stunned silence.
COLIN
Just what in the hell are you
trying to do?
OLDER GENTLEMAN
(stuttering)
Paying for my coffee?
JESSE
Try, committing a felony.
Colin smirks, looks over his shoulder at a similarly bearded man,
JESSE.
OLDER GENTLEMAN
What are you talking about?
Colin returns attention to the felonous Older Gentleman.
COLIN
I'm afraid my beautifully bearded
friend is right on the money.
Colin tenses and CRACK!
OLDER GENTLEMAN
AHHHH!
From his broken hand, a silver coins falls to the counter.
It bucks and jumps before settling. A beaver is embossed on its
surface.
Colin loosens his grip and the Older Gentleman slips to the floor,
clutching his hand.
BARRISTA
You broke that man's hand over a
nickel!
COLIN
Canadian. And your welcome.
BARRISTA
Why the hell would you do that?
Faster than lightning Colin and Jesse whip out badges that read:
CCS:BU
COLIN
Citizen Crime Stoppers.
JESSE
Beard unit.
Each stroke their beard with their non badge hand.
COLIN
Seems our work here is done.
Colin grabs the coin off the counter, flicks it at the writhing
Gentleman.
COLIN
Keep the change.
JESSE
Nice.
CREDIT SEQUENCE OVER SWEET MUSIC
Title: CCU Beard Unit
SERIES OF SHOTS
Colin and Jesse observe a man spitting on the sidewalk, proceed
to burn him with cigarettes.
They give chase to a man in a dress.
A man stalks a graveyard, shovel in hand. Sees Colin and Jesse
watching him from their car, drops shovel and runs.
Colin eats a hamburger, proceeds to choke while laughing at
a joke Jesse tells him.
Split screen: Jesse and Colin in respective bathrooms, comb their
beards facing each other as if staring into mirror.
Colin hides in the bushes, shoots bicyclist with radar gun. Nods
to Colin down the road who shoves a rod through the
bicyclists wheel.
Colin and Jesse dance in strobed light.
INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE
A heavy set man, CHIEF stands behind his desk.
Chief SLAMS his fist down.
CHIEF
Beard Unit!
COLIN
Right here Chief.
Colin and Jesse sit in comfortable chairs across from their livid
Chief.
CHIEF
Damn it Beard Unit, I know your
here! I'm angry with you!
COLIN
Why's that Chief?
CHIEF
You broke an old man's hand!
JESSE
A felonous, old man.
CHIEF
You make up one more word Jesse and
I'll have your badge!
JESSE
Sorry Chief.
Chief takes a breath, calms and sits.
CHIEF
This isn't why I called you in
here. We got a message from... the
Conundrum.
COLIN
The Conundrum! That scum.
CHIEF
He says he'll be calling me in the
next few minutes. Says he'll only
talk to you, Colin.
COLIN
Why only me Chief?
CHIEF
You're his greatest foe. You solved
the mystery of the lingering stain.
COLIN
All over that carpet...
The phone on Chief's desk RINGS. Chief answers.
CHIEF
Hello?
(to Colin)
It's for you.
Colin grabs the phone from Chief.
COLIN
Hello Conundrum.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
A shadowed figure sits with his back to us.
CONUNDRUM
Colin of Beard Unit, so nice to
speak with you.
V/O COLIN
Cut to the chase Conny, I'm already
late for a trim.
CONUNDRUM
So impetuous. But I will cut to it,
as you say. As a feather moves
where the wind wills, so too must
all chickens come home to roost.
V/O COLIN
What the hell are you prattling on
about?
INT. POLICE CHIEF'S OFFICE
Colin holds the phone, disinterested.
V/O CONUNDRUM
A riddle my fuzzy friend. In it
contains your only clue to finding
the bomb I have planted in the
city.
COLIN
So either we decipher your poorly
written poem or innocent citizens
lose their lives.
V/O CONUNDRUM
Those are the rules of my game.
COLIN
Seems like you've got our hands
tied.
He motions to someone and a SECRETARY walks up with a
post-it note.
COLIN
Or maybe we traced this call and a
pretty secretary just handed me a
post-it with your address on it.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
Conundrum is silent in the darkness.
CONUNDRUM
It would do you no goo-
CLICK. He's hung up on by Colin.
CONUNDRUM
Shit.
INT. COLIN'S CAR
Colin and Jesse sit side by side, silent, emotionless.
COLIN
Sarah's leaving me.
JESSE
Damn.
INT. CONUNDRUM'S DARK LAIR
Conundrum is working frantically at a table when his door is KICKED
in by Jesse.
Conundrum is startled, then darts back to his chair.
CONUNDRUM
I've been expecting you Beard Unit.
Colin and Jesse step into the darkness.
Colin flips a switch on the wall and light spills over the cluttered
mess of the Conundrum's apartment/lair.
The Conundrum, less menacing in the light, sits hunched over wearing
a green track suit.
CONUNDRUM
(to himself)
Jeez!
(to our heroes)
No matter what you do or what you
say I will not provide any other
clues. I assure you everything you
need to solve this rid-
BLAM! Colin stops the pontificating Conundrum with a bullet in
the stomach.
CONUNDRUM
Glahhh!
Jesse walks up and inspects the wound.
JESSE
Ow. Right in the liver. Gotta be
painful.
The Conundrum gurgles his agreement. Jesse steps back.
JESSE
I'd say you've got less than four
minutes unless somebody stops the
bleeding.
COLIN
So where's the bomb Conny?
CONUNDRUM
Jesus! You shot me! You can't shoot
me, that's not how it works!
COLIN
I was improvising. Your turn.
The Conundrum struggles to sit up, points to his table.
CONUNDRUM
The map and disarm code is right
there. You could have just smacked
me around a little!
Jesse walks over to the table. Nods to Colin.
COLIN
Thanks for your cooperation.
CONUNDRUM
Could you please call the doctor
now! I'm bleeding to death!
COLIN
No need, I'm a surgeon.
Colin SHOOTS the Conundrum in the head. Blood everywhere.
JESSE
Nice.
ENDING CREDITS OVER OTHER SWEET TUNE
B/W stills from the episode ala Venture Bros.
Or it could be a voiced over preview of next adventure.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Writing tricks. For KIDS!
The typewriter is my favorite writing paraphernalia. The clickity-clack of metal prods smacking the crisp white page. But what about that white paper? Boring as hell. Luckily I've found an alternative.
Napkins, paper towels and assorted scraps. Don't know why but this crap gets me prolific. I came up with the basic plots for two possible spec episodes I've been trying to write for a certain kids show. A pink hat may be involved.
Thought that I'd share this wonderful news with the rest of the world. Go forth and spread my poorly written ramblings! Forthwith!
Also, is it wrong that I'm a little interested in seeing the new Street Fighter movie? Feels wrong. Yah, it must be wrong.
Napkins, paper towels and assorted scraps. Don't know why but this crap gets me prolific. I came up with the basic plots for two possible spec episodes I've been trying to write for a certain kids show. A pink hat may be involved.
Thought that I'd share this wonderful news with the rest of the world. Go forth and spread my poorly written ramblings! Forthwith!
Also, is it wrong that I'm a little interested in seeing the new Street Fighter movie? Feels wrong. Yah, it must be wrong.
In the space of 1/2 a mango
I really enjoy Lost. Suppose it's because I have no idea what's going on. Something is happening and I want to know what; but every episode the narritive appears more and more seemingly convoluted. Yet there has to be something there, right? We'll see.
Have you ever had your eyes bleed? No, no I didn't think so. It wouldn't be much of an outrageous image if it were a common occurrence. Ocular discharge? Take three Tylenol, stay off your feet for 20 minutes. Never had my face melt either. Close once, at a Chris Cornell concert.
Seems like all the good stuff goes into fancy cat food. Prime cut tuna, farm fresh veggies, served in a crystal wine glass. Too eat that good as a human is a rarity. Pretty sure the McDonalds doesn't serve up the fillet mignon.
Taste the freedom. Ride the walrus.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Movies of 2008 (That I've Seen)
In the order of how I felt about them; the movies of 2008...
Wall-E (a complete contradiction of message and product; still awesome)
In Bruges (poetic violence with a sharp wit)
Role Models
Vicky Christina Barcelona (even for the non-Woody's)
Gran Torino (snubbed by captain oscar)
Hellboy 2
Encounters at the End of the World (Werner Herzog's Antarctic epic)
Burn After Reading (Coen is a four letter word for awesome)
The Dark Knight
Taken (for those of us who love it when the bad guys get what's coming to em)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
City of Ember
Ghost Town (crazy surprised by how funny it was)
Kung Fu Panda
Rambo
RocknRolla (Guy Richie's back, finally)
Son of Rambow
Choke
The Wrestler
The Bank Job
Semi-Pro
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
The Incredible Hulk
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Tropic Thunder
Iron Man
Traitor
An American Carol
Hamlet 2
Run, Fat Boy, Run
Sex Drive
Quantum of Solace (no story, pretty sure, I looked)
Doubt
Zack and Miri
Horton Hears a Who
The Happening (surprised there could be 4 films I liked less)
Max Payne
Charlie Bartlett
Pineapple Express (I've had enough Seth Rogan)
10,000 BC (couldn't even finish it on an airplane)
Not without mistakes and unintentional omissions. I'll update it perhaps. Stole the idea from my friend Caleb. Go read his list too. Do it now.
There are a litany of films I didn't get to. For shame. Let's go eat some spinach dip.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Coraline: My first 3-D adventure
Good movie. Shared a lot in common with Pan's Labyrinth, but that can be said about any story that is essentially fablistic (a word?).
Interesting part was the 3-D. Like I said, I've never seen a stereoscopic film. Very cool for about 10 minutes. Then the headache emerges... Plus, after a while you hardly notice the perceived third dimension. It just eats away at the soft tissue of your cerebral cortex. Now I'm not a doctor, but I feel comfortable confirming that 3-D films do indeed make you dumber. Also cell phones are a major provider of vitamin J.
I did enjoy myself. I got a little bored, a little agitated, but I made it through with relatively high spirits. I would recommend the experience to a friend. One caveat; the glasses we were provided were quite tricky to use on top of my normal glasses. Plus there was an automatic 3-D fee that was very annoying. I did get free popcorn. But I didn't really want any. Cheers.
Interesting part was the 3-D. Like I said, I've never seen a stereoscopic film. Very cool for about 10 minutes. Then the headache emerges... Plus, after a while you hardly notice the perceived third dimension. It just eats away at the soft tissue of your cerebral cortex. Now I'm not a doctor, but I feel comfortable confirming that 3-D films do indeed make you dumber. Also cell phones are a major provider of vitamin J.
I did enjoy myself. I got a little bored, a little agitated, but I made it through with relatively high spirits. I would recommend the experience to a friend. One caveat; the glasses we were provided were quite tricky to use on top of my normal glasses. Plus there was an automatic 3-D fee that was very annoying. I did get free popcorn. But I didn't really want any. Cheers.
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